that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
