It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
