Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
