sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
