8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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