Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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