peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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