don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
