these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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