If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
