3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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