Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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