out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
