my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
