I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
