so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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