is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
