and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
