Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
