Kiss
Puke
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He? As in you personified your dick?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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