So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
