guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Walk of Shame today included voting.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
