he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
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