felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I am available for nakedness
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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