I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
