Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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