from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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