You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
