Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
