come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
