the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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