I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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