Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
