i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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