How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
