My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
