Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
