Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just cut my nipple shaving
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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