im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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