glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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