went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
