Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
