I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
