I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
