If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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