Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
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