yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
