Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
high people should be assigned attendants
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
