i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
