grandma shit on top of the toilet
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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